Self-Esteem & Dating Sux!

For over a month now I've been doing alot of self-reflection. Alot more than I probably should be doing at one time but it is what it is. I know that I have a good life and I am thankful for every blessing that I have, but I always want more. I have over 100 "friends" on my facebook. I say friends loosely because majority of them are associates or people I use to go to school with. But they're all around my age and I see alot of them getting married and having kids. So of course you measure your success (or lack thereof) by theirs. Obviously when you do that you don't feel like you can measure up and start gettig down on yourself. So, needless to say, I've been getting down on myself. And yes, I already know that I can't be doing that because everybody goes through life at their own pace and blah blah blah. But still, you want those things when you want it and its a let down when you don't feel like you're even close to getting them. I am trying to keep my head up and all that stuff, but it just gets so frustrating at times. Especially since my love-life isn't that great either. Maybe its because the area I live in is not conducive to an African-American woman dating or it could be just me.

Which leads to my next piece of news. Unfortunately, I broke up with my boyfriend. Wish I took the time to learn this guy before I committed to a relationship with him because he turned out to be such a downer. Just a few of the issues he said that I had was socializing skills because apparently I had d-bag exes who didn't require me to engage in conversation with them and just wanted me for my looks so I never acquired the skill, I needed to self-reflect more, and I needed to get a career instead of just a job. That was just a few things he said to me that made me want to kick him in the you-know-what. Anyway, I'm not going to dwell on him and the past.

Fro Hatin'

The other day I went out with my girls to a bar in downtown Miami. At the time, I had done a dry twist out on my hair which resulted in REALLy big hair (see pic). I loved my hair that day though and so did my friends who have wavy to straight hair. And the fact that it lasted a whole day of me being outside in the rain was also a bonus.

Anywho, when we got inside of the bar I noticed a couple of girls to my left. As I was passing them, I heard one say "I hate that..." while pointing at me. I can safely assume it was about my hair because I looked around and there was no one else next to me or behind me and I was pretty much the only non-conforming looking person in there. Yes, I was irritated and I did look at her for a few seconds longer but I soon brought myself back to reality and kept on with my business.

Now, the next incident I don't know if it was a bad thing or a good thing but I wasn't comfortable with it. I was talking to my girl while facing the bar and noticed a really bright flash going off behind me, like a camera of sorts. When I noticed it going off again, I turned around and saw a guy aiming his camera phone in my direction as it was going off. Again, I had to keep on with my business and think nothing of it. But I must admit, I did have this urge to go off on the guy and find out what the deal was. But, I had to regain control of myself and realize that you can't help people who are ignorant and rude.